I wish to thank all the Christians who have treated pastors and their families with much love and consideration. It is only God who can repay all that you have done. I would like to think that we represent pastors and their families who have received free medical care, dental care, luncheons and dinners, free stay in holiday bungalows, free or paid-for music lessons for our children; even free membership to a swimming club. These are but a few of the untold blessings that have come as a result of being in full-time service.
I was most overwhelmed by a family who used old cups and saucers for themselves but gave us their wedding dinner set to start us off in our new parish. We were conscious of the love of the brethren who wanted us to make it in the ministry. For example, the young people took our children out when we were too exhausted to do so ourselves. The young adults babysat for us when we had to minister to those in need. Many members prayed for us. They ministered to us when we were weak.
To all who have loved us and loved their full-time workers, I would like to bless them all in return with God’s riches and spiritual blessings in the heavenlies (Eph 1:3).
Learning to Cope
One of my greatest struggles was coping with my husband’s absence in my times of need. His work seemed more important to him than the family. It turned out that the quality time he had with the family was during the times when I fell ill. I was initially resentful and discontented.
It took the Heavenly Father’s gentle rebuke to bring me to my senses. As my husband needed to sacrifice his family time for the Master’s use, I had to sacrifice him. Was I willing to trust God to provide for me when my husband was not available? Was I willing to let him go when God needed him in another place?
Jesus seemed to be saying to me, "Am I not better than ten husbands?" (1 Sam 1:8). God proved Himself faithful over and over again. When I needed a dental operation in another district in my husband’s absence, God provided a companion to stay with me throughout the whole procedure. He provided a friendly mechanic when the car broke down. There was always a doctor standing by when the children fell sick. A faithful neighbour loved our children and provided unpaid babysitting services. A friend shopped for provisions for me even without my asking. How could I complain?
Bitter-sweet Experiences
One of our precious experiences was during a period of uncertainty about God’s direction for our ministry. How could we lead when we were not sure about our own future? We put this honestly before the church leadership and requested that they pray for us. They immediately did so.
They then advised us to stay on for as long as there was no leading to go anywhere. They would release us as soon as we were sure where God was leading us. In our time of confusion, our church leaders stood by us. When we asked for an early release, they honoured their word and let us go. It is humbling to know that even pastors can lose their way!
Another bitter-sweet experience was during a busy season for the church when my husband was working hard to cover for different members of the church committee. He could not cope and did not have time to carry out duties assigned to him. He did not even have time to think about what he was so busy about! The subsequent grilling he received from the church committee for the things he had left undone left him devastated. It took me some time to forgive the people involved.
Yet all the experiences were part of God’s purifying process. Those responsible did not mean to break us and they did not even know the effect their actions had on us. But we learnt an important lesson: every difficult experience can be turned around for our good. The bitter-sweet experiences were the instruments the Master used to shape us into the image of Christ-likeness. To stay bitter and to hanker after only pleasant experiences will deprive us of the deep spiritual growth that can only come as the Master Surgeon’s knife cuts deep to remove unwanted growth. The cuts are painful but the wounds will heal.
Dealing with Conflicts
My husband has the ‘misfortune’ of having a wife trained in a Bible College different from the one he attended. I must have crushed him many times with my criticisms and comments. But I suspect God was on his side. One time, after a particularly ‘mediocre’ message, someone accepted the Lord. Even he was surprised! I have seen this happening over and over again. If God can use a donkey to speak for Him, how much more will He be able to use ‘mediocre’ pastors.
I have stopped commenting on his sermons and instead, I pray that God will touch someone in the congregation whenever he preaches. I encourage all preachers’ wives to do the same.
In times of conflict with church members or leaders, I found it hard to distance myself and to remain neutral. When I take sides with my husband, I end up with a grudge long after my husband had forgiven the other person. He is able to take what I am unable to. So we have agreed that in future sharing, he should not reveal names so that I will be able to pray and minister to him. The problem gets complicated when I secretly agree with the opposition. Wisdom dictates that I remain silent and stick to praying.
Down and Out
I have seen my husband demoralised many times during his ministry. Often, he has thought of quitting. In fact, in the early days, I had encouraged him to take up another profession if there was any that suited him. I seriously thought there was nothing wrong in changing professions if he discovered he was not cut out to be a pastor.
Again, God had other plans. He used opposition from senior pastors to teach him patience and endurance. He used the recognition of his own abilities to teach him humility. He used fickle congregations to remove his faith in men. God reached deep down to heal him of his childhood traumas and restored to him what the locusts had devoured. What he is today is not the work of man but the craftsmanship of God.
The writer and her pastor-husband have been in the ministry for 25 years. They are now involved in an itinerant ministry. |
