SINGLE women make up the largest group of Malaysian missionaries serving overseas, while single men form the smallest group. Hardly earth-shattering information, but still, it is a sober reminder of the great gender imbalance on the mission field.
According to an NECF Malaysia study on single Malaysian woman missionaries (SWM), three out of the five local mission agencies surveyed have no single men on their lists. One agency’s missionary list comprises 10 percent single men compared with 45 percent single women. Another agency’s list comprises 75 percent single women, 25 percent married people and no single men.
NECF Research department conducted the study to identify the unique challenges faced by SWM aged between 40 and 60 years who have been serving full-time overseas for more than five years.
Between March and September 2003, the department interviewed 20 SWM and found that the majority of them have “reached the phase of contentment with regards to their marital status”. For many of the interviewees, the contentment came after a long struggle with the issue of marriage.
Still, life as singles can be rather lonely despite all the attention lavished on them upon their return from the mission fields. Faithful supporters may heap generous gifts on them and even treat them to short vacations, but “not many people want to listen to our experience,” lamented one interviewee.
One of the biggest realities of life for these SWM is planning for the future with the view that they remain single for the rest of their lives. Not many Christians will seriously consider these women’s long-term future in their financial support. One interviewee expressed her struggle with finances thus: “In ministry, everyone earns less than if he/she holds a secular job, and that’s a choice that has been made, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the tension.”
The downside of being single on the mission field
WOMAN missionaries generally face restrictions in some cultures but it is worse for single woman missionaries (SWM). For example in the Mozambique society, single women are frowned upon; they even command less respect than unmarried mothers. The attitude towards singleness by the host culture can be, not only the source of dis-couragement for SWM but also, a tremendous obstacle to their ministry.
The aspect of safety in a different cultural setting is another problem for SWM who face daily danger when travelling and even in the confines of their homes. In some societies, travelling alone is not accepted.
Most of the interviewees feel that their sending agencies often overlook them in decision-making, strategising and communicating needs. Sometimes, decisions are made for them without their knowledge and agreement. Their feelings are reminiscent of Rose Dowsett’s article “Globalisation, Women and Mission” which observes an irony in church history “that women have been the primary gospel pioneers in country after country and among people group after people group, yet mission strategy is normally devised by men.” It is also noticeable that men lead most of the mission agencies where women (mostly single) are the majority. The fact that men are preferred for leadership role is a major drawback for women who may be more capable, one interviewee said.
Women are socially recognised to be more relational than men. In many cultures, they are considered less threatening (than men) and thus, have easier access to other women and children in almost any society. Yet, SWM may find it difficult to minister to men and may be seen as a threat to married women. They also have to grapple with sexual temptation.
Their ability to give more time to the ministry may lead their married teammates to, perhaps unconsciously, load them with more responsibilities, and thus, “overwork” them. Unfortunately, some SWM are inclined to devote every non-working hour to ministry, maybe to purge their guilt feelings of not fully utilising their availability or to avoid loneliness.
The issue of mid-life (40 to 60) appears to have been overlooked by the mission agencies. The tasks of adjusting to physical changes and aging parents take place at this stage of life. The survey indicates that some SWM are obliged or expected by their married siblings to care for their elderly parents.
Meanwhile, they, like other married women of their age, undergo emotional, psychological and spiritual upheaval as a result of fading youth and fertility. During this tumultuous period, they may manifest certain character flaws, which in turn affect their ministry on the field. However, people tend to mistake this manifestation as a result of their state of their being unmarried, some interviewees moaned.
“Generally, all women walk through this passage of life as they redefine themselves and their roles. Yet, single women have been stereotypically depicted as neurotic, emotional and miserable by many,” the report noted.
Many SWM struggle to adjust to life upon their return from overseas assignment or upon retirement. “Reverse cultural shock is a lot harder than cultural shock,” exclaimed one interviewee. Basic matters, such as finding a permanent place to stay, can be a major issue for some SWM.
Friendship is another major issue for these returning SWM. Many have learned the painful truth that years of being away from home have alienated them from the intimate friends of their youth. Hence, they will have to painstakingly establish a new network of friends. One interviewee commented: “Relationship with old friends and church members appear superficial. We just can’t relate to each other anymore.”
SWM need more than just support and prayers. In our next issue, we will see how these women sustain their contentment and confidence in God. |
