Good spiritual and emotional support from groups and friends are a vital source of emotional well-being for single women missionaries. But without a proper knowledge of and relationship with God, the anchor of their emotional security will not hit ground, as NECF Malaysia Research Executive LIM SIEW FOONG found out from her interviews with 20 single Malaysian woman missionaries (SWM) from four local sending agencies.
Indispensable to them are good group spiritual and emotional support, as well as trusty friends they can confide in and be held accountable for. Friendship is a vital source of emotional well-being, a foremost external support to help overcome any challenge they may face. Willingness to establish good rapport with others and the ability to make and maintain friendship are excellent ministry skills for missionaries.
Nonetheless, the individual’s attitude towards God and one’s own identity in Christ – an internal component – has the most significant impact on how one handles trials in life. The majority of the interviewees concurred that confidence in God and in His sovereignty and provision would guide them through the troubled times of frustration and hardship.
They believe wholeheartedly in God’s goodness even in the midst of working through difficult emotional issues. “Contentment may be a struggling issue from time to time, but building confidence in God, constantly reflecting on His goodness in my life, and fixing my eyes on Jesus, lead me to accept and be comfortable with my single status,” expressed one interviewee.
The women acknowledged that healthy self-acceptance and adequate self-confidence come from their personal and intimate relationship with God.
As they accept their status, they find it easier to co-operate with married people to remove any barrier or prejudice that may hinder acceptance. Such attitude allows them to experience freedom in serving as they expand their visions and creativity, maximise their gifts and talents, and develop the ability to be useful to others and to make the best out of bad situations.
Like the noted single full-time worker Goh Poh Gaik once said, “God is not concerned with what you are building for Him, but that you let him build into you Christ-likeness. Singleness is not an interval, a temporary life. Single women should not put their lives on hold until they get married. Take responsibility in life, initiate friendships, make yourself available and care for others, and look for opportunity to be hospitable.”
Is loneliness – the most common mental health problem of people regardless of race, gender and social status as documented by numerous studies – no longer an issue then?
“I had to handle loneliness head on and learn to be alone but not lonely. Lots of prayer, friends, and other interests help. Sometimes I had to face it (loneliness) as a reality and just allow those feelings to come and go,” shared a veteran SWM, who was completing her doctoral studies at the time of the interview.
Loneliness can be painful and draining. It cleaves to us despite our best effort to remove it. Psychologist Dr. Gary Collins defines loneliness as “painful awareness that we lack close and meaningful contact with others.”
In other words, a single person who takes cognisance of this can conceivably blossom through the intimacy of friendship with others. Most of the interviewees admit the problem and appear determined to deal with it. Surely God does not intend singleness to involve loneliness.
Self-acceptance includes acknow-ledgement of biological longing, that is the basic human longing for touch and closeness, and the ability to live with it and handle whatever emotional outbreak there may be. It also includes being able to talk honestly to God and realise that something in life will never come to pass but can be trusted to God for His sovereign solution.
“Allow yourself to live with some longings that are not fulfilled and know that’s okay, that you are not any less worthy,” said another interviewee who is committed to language work for the Orang Asli. Emotional and verbal affirmation from support group or friends can be an immense encourage-ment. Perhaps, if the psychological need for intimacy is satisfied, the need for physiological sexual experience may diminish.
Having the opportunity to work with and experience God, the capacity to love and have friends and the ability to enjoy fieldwork as a vocation, appears to be the greatest fulfilment for these SWM. No longer concerned about meeting external expectations and having achieved solitude refinement, the women have developed greater confidence, involvement, security, and depth of personality. Relationships with others are more important – perhaps in a different way than earlier in life.
It is also apparent that, no matter how busy they are on the field, many SWM look at their respective trajectories, re-evaluate goals and aspirations and even making decision on how best to use the remaining part of their life-span. The common trait is they tend to believe that change is possible and that one is free to choose to do what is right and pleasing in the sight of God. They often point to Jesus, the source of internal strength and aspiration, and found in Him the ray of hope and courage.
Most importantly, they realise that God’s grace is absolute and all-encompassing. In times of discourage-ment, weariness and pain, such comprehension helps them to persevere in the face of defeat. What seems like overwhelming odds becomes an opportunity for growth. As they continue to face peculiar challenges, their ability to bridge the divine and physical world is strengthened through each experience of overcoming.
The sending agencies have been making effort to gradually improve member care services, such as furnishing their mission partners with medical and life insurance. Malaysian churches too can play a significant role by encouraging their members to come alongside the SWM.
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“Allow yourself to live with some longings that are not fulfilled and know that’s okay, that you are not any less worthy.” | |
