By Ronnie & Teck Ai Teoh
Siew Kin (not her real name), our schoolmate at seminary used to be very moody and it was generally difficult for others in the women’s dormitory to get along with her. She, however, got along fine with some of the men.
She confided that she had had a difficult childhood and did not have a relationship with her mother at all. We thought she was using that as an excuse for her poor interaction with the women.
She graduated and married one of her seniors. Together, they pastored a church for several years. Then they decided to go to Australia for the husband to pursue further theological studies and they also hoped to settle there. We heard that they fully exploited. The cause can be traced back to her lack of relationship or bonding with her mother in the growing up years. It is something not difficult to understand but frightening, nevertheless.
| “When bonding is properly accomplished, it will help the child to have a healthy interest in members of the opposite sex.” |
Bonding takes place in the pre-teen years of life, from the time a child becomes aware of his or her sexual identity. Its function is to help a child understand his or her special characteristics as a boy or girl and be secure in them.
When it is properly accomplished, it dressing and shopping etc. a boy learns from the example of his father, and a girl her mother, the peculiar things and ways of each sex.
It’s the most natural of interactions, we would think, and that is the way it is meant to be but sometimes things go dreadfully wrong due to our lack of consistency and understanding.
We can also go out of our ways to enhance bonding, for example, let the boys (father and son) go do their own shopping for their toiletries, clothes, underwear and shoes while mother and daughter can go to do some other suitable ladies’ things together.
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