I had no idea as to what to expect when I decided to attend the International Family Conference. The conference was organised by the Ministry of Women & Family Development Malaysia together with the National Population and Family Development Board. It was encouraging to see the Minister, Datuk Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, attending almost all the sessions. Focus on the Family also made its presence strongly felt by setting up exhibition tables and providing several plenary and workshop speakers. During the four-day conference, a host of issues on the family and its challenges were presented. Hopefully, new government policies will come forth to enhance family life in our nation. Unfortunately, out of the 700 plus participants, only about 20 per cent were men.
I was very impressed by one of the plenary speakers who spoke on ‘Managing Family Stress’.
Dr Huang Wei Jin, a clinical psychologist from Northwestern University, USA, spoke with passion and a touch of humour. He was very practical and compassionate. He pointed out that the number one buffer for stress was to nurture meaningful connections with other people through love. He said, "Love is either conditional or unconditional. If I love with conditions, I am only offering an exchange." He exhorted family members, especially spouses, to love wisely. He gave a personal example of how he loves his wife wisely – he makes the bed in the morning. In this way, he said, his wife felt very much loved. He repeatedly stressed the importance of spreading out "filled-grace" to the whole family and community. One of the ways to do this is to love your spouse even more when he or she makes mistakes.
Dr Huang also touched on how one should maintain one’s identity and yet still stay connected to one’s spouse. He pointed out the need to balance care-giving with self-nurturing. One can be so immersed in giving care at the expense of neglecting one’s need for growth. He concluded by reminding the participants of the need to learn to be grateful.
Dr Huang’s workshops on ‘Is there a Secret Recipe for Marriage?’ and ‘Infidelity and Divorce’ were very popular. I decided to keep to the choices I had made at the time of registration. During the workshop on ‘Strategic Neighbourhood Assistance Programme’ I was made aware of local happenings. A video presentation showed how dwellers of the San Peng Flats had reclaimed their community centre from drug pushers and had then turned it into a place of learning and recreation. The other workshop on ‘What do Grandma and Grandpa Think?’ helped us see that grandparents are living stories and links to the past. The speakers shared success stories on grandparenthood. I did wonder about grandparents who have no success stories to tell. Could something be available for them too? A father and a mother spoke in the workshop on ‘Preventing Violence in the Family’ and proposed measures to be taken that would nurture harmony in the family. Another speaker reminded us that children also had a right to feel safe at home.
I enjoyed the evening session at the Youth Round Table. The young people articulated their thoughts on sex, lifestyle and the rights of youth. Earlier in the afternoon, about 300 youths from all over the country had met and brainstormed on these issues. Their contributions were hilarious, matter-of-fact, touching, and some were heart-rending. The youths played a key role throughout the conference. Dressed in black T-shirts and pants, they worked as volunteers to help the Conference run smoothly.
The Conference closed with a sumptuous lunch hosted by Nestle and each participant brought home matters and issues to chew on. Irrespective of our race or religious beliefs, each one of us is greatly concerned about the attacks on the family in the times we live in. All in all, it was a beneficial Conference.
Mrs Lydia Loh is a fulltime homemaker. She is married to Rev Loh Soon Choy. They have two daughters, Debbie and Miriam. |
